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Dating Communication Do’s & Don’ts

4_dating_list-909195-TwoByOneA very important ingredient to having a superior relationship lies in good communication. In fact, it is almost impossible to have any kind of relationship with a person unless you are able to relate to him or her. The ability to communicate effectively means that you have to pay close attention and to listen very carefully. We all have different methods of communication. You need to be able to understand, appreciate, and respect how other people communicate, especially your dating partner.

A good way to show your date that you are listening carefully to him or her is to repeat what he or she has said. Say for example your partner tells you: “You have been very distant lately”, you then say, “So you are saying I have been distant?” Follow up with an open ended question like “Tell me more about what you mean.” By saying that, you can verify what your partner has said and make him or her feel comfortable about talking to you about his or her concern.

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How you communicate with your words could bring comfort by reducing fear and easing tension. The following are some guiding principles to help you take advantage of your words and get your point across more effectively:

business-communication-versus-dating-communication-trudy-gilbertDO make the person you are talking to feel secure by offering a lot of support and appreciation. This gets the silent types to open up more and feel at ease.

DON’T make your date feel uncomfortable by judging, criticizing, or making fun of what he or she has to say.

DO relax. Feeling anxious can mess up your confidence and attention. Take deep breaths when you feel like you need to end the conversation because of fear or panic.

DON’T feel that everything has to be resolved at one time.

DO listen carefully and avoid interrupting while the other person is talking.

DON’T use offensive vocabularies and expressions. It is very disrespectful and cheapens you and the person you are talking to.

DO get to the point and be clear on what you want to get across or if you have any questions.

  • Single Dating Places United Kingdom
    Single Dating Places United Kingdom

Dating Christians – The Best Advice You Will Ever Hear

christian-dating-590x295There are four things any Christian should do if they are dating. I borrowed a name for the four from the old mustard colored tract made so famous by Bill Bright’s organization, Campus Crusade for Christ. I call them “The Four Spiritual Laws of Dating. Although they are pointed at Christians in general I am sure they would work for anyone. I suppose to work on just anyone it might require that the reader first read the original “Four Spiritual Laws” tract, and believe it.

1. Keep All The Rules of The Scripture. There are quite a few laws and rules set forth in the scripture about dating. Keep them all. Examples are, not having sex before marriage, not being unequally yoked to unbelievers and the study of the principles and examples of a good marriage as set forth in the Bible. If you don’t know what these things are then you should be reading your Bible and seeking a Pastor or good Christian counselor to help you.

2. Pray About Every Aspect of Your Dating and Your Intention To Marry. This is not simple or rudimentary advice it is absolute bottom line essential advice. Miss this and you have missed the boat. Pray about your potential mate, pray with them and pray together with others as well. God is always honored when we include him in all our intentions and decision. To leave him out of such a major decision (marriage) is ridiculous and could only be insulting to God. Remember he is not just Jesus, he is the Lord Jesus.

3. Take Your Time. Rome wasn’t built in a day, but it is not Rome Satan is constantly attacking. Marriage, especially good marriages are under constant attack in today’s atmosphere of throw away relationships. The breakup of the established fabric of most societies is something that prophecy predicts as one of the precursors to a time of anarchy and the rule of the worlds last dictator, the antichrist. Marriage is pretty high on the list of things to destroy in Satan’s agenda, don’t let him put yours on his list. Take time to look to listen to weigh your choice, thus giving God time to answer you back as you go.

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4. Ask Your Prospective Mate this All Important Question. I wasn’t lucky enough to have heard this advice when I was a young man. I would have given a kingdom to acquire it and I have never seen it fail anyone in many decades of telling it to others. I originated this test but I must say I was always sure it was God inspired.

You must pose the question within specific parameters for it to work. First you must be sure that you tell your mate that this is a question that they might ask themselves if they were in a comfortable place where they go to sit and meditate or pray. You are not asking the question, they are asking it of themselves. No one accept the insane and fools would ever lie or try to deceive themselves. You would ask them, if they were alone in a comfortable place, a place they liked to be in to think and pray, and if they were to ask themselves one single question, what would their answer be, to themselves?

580couple1301097The question is. “If I could summarize in three sentences or less what I want out of life, what would my answer be to myself.” Let them ponder this question, don’t rush the answer but take their answer with utmost seriousness. People will rarely lie to themselves and the answer will be the truth almost without fail. If they say I just want to love and be loved, or I just want some security in life, or I want to get the best things in life or follow a career…those are the real and lasting answers, you can count on it. If you should not marry that person but were to come around to see them for a period of one or two or fifty years you would see one thing, they would have found the things they told you they wanted or they would still be looking for them.

What has all this got to do with anything? Only everything! By posing the question as outlined with an honest person you will have boiled the forty gallons of sap it takes to make a quart of grade “A” maple syrup. You can believe the answer; you can also be guided by the answer. That is, you can decide if the answer conjuncts with your own answer to yourself about your own life.

Comparing all of the common likes and dislikes you have with your prospective mate or having long intimate discussions is a good thing. But life is in motion; everyone has a direction real or perceived. Find out what that direction is before marriage and you will not crash against it after you are married.

Whoso findeth a wife (mate) findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord. Proverbs 18:22

  • Single Dating Places United Kingdom
    Single Dating Places United Kingdom

Dating A Professional Single

Dating-Single-MomsAt one time or another and maybe in some people’s cases all the time we’ve dreamed about dating a rich guy or gal. You know the successful lawyer or doctor or the on the edge entrepreneur. It’s that perfect scene we play in our head that allows us to see things just the way we want them to be but in reality dating a professional single may not be quite so picture perfect. Now I don’t mean that in a negative sense I mean that more in a realistic, scheduling, goal reaching, aggressive personality sense.

What is a professional single?

I guess in technical terms it would be any single person who holds a “white collar” job. A business owner, a executive, a doctor, a lawyer, I think you get the idea. Someone who probably has a college degree, maybe several, someone who is driven to succeed, who probably enjoys the finer things in life, who doesn’t like excuses but relishes results. A person who wants to make the most out of their professional life. They are not satisfied with a 9 to 5 career but are instead looking for every opportunity to succeed as far as they can in their given field. Does that make them a bad person? Does that make them a person who cares for no one but themselves? Hardly, in fact the world needs driven individuals like a professional single. Can you imagine where we would be if the Romans had not had so many driven people or if the Egyptians had decided that thinking big was too much? I’m not trying to get into a history lesson or morality debate here, I’m just showing what a person who is trying to get the most out of themselves can do. A single professional is certainly a person trying to get the most out of themselves.

What are the downfalls to dating a professional single?

Like any relationship involving two people you will always have downfalls so don’t be under the impression that dating a professional single will be any better or worse than dating the non-professional single. Those factors lie more in who the person is not what their career is. I mean if you date a jerk, you date a jerk. Whether he has on a $1500 suit or a pair of Levi Overalls, he’s a jerk. OK, so what are the downfalls to dating a professional single?

Time away from home – This means time away from you

sex-love-life-2015-06-commitment-guy-mainThe job is always on their mind – You might be out on the perfect dinner date but if a big deal is in the works you should not be surprised if the cell phone rings and it’s answered.

Perfectionism – They may not be the tidiest person or remember to bring flowers but in some way all highly driven professionals are perfectionists

Job is first – Can you play second fiddle? Although this may not be true in every sense but in many ways the job will come first.

How to avoid the downfalls of dating a professional single.

Time away from home – Of course they’re going to be going to the office everyday, maybe out of town once a week or more and maybe even over a weekend in fact if they are very driven, you can expect all of these and more. Late hours, early mornings, numerous days in which you may not see each other and might not even speak one on one. The remedy? Communicate. Have an ongoing calendar, it won’t be perfect as things change but it’s one tool in communicating. If you can see a schedule it will help you understand what’s going that week or day. Always talk once a day. Both of you must be committed to speaking to each other daily. It might be for only 5 minutes at 2 a.m. but it will make a difference.

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The job is always on their mind – In every persons professional career especially early on they are given responsibility to get the job done. This may entail them following up on every detail at all hours of the day and night. You must understand that this is part of working your way to the top and even more importantly the professional you are dating must understand that although they might have to take a call at dinner they should keep it as brief as possible and let their colleagues know that a call should only be made if it is extremely important or critical in nature. Communication once again plays a role in the relationship, for all parties involved.

wne-1Perfectionism – How hard is it to be perfect? Well since no one that I’ve ever met is, it must be impossible. That being said we probably all have idiosyncrasies that some would consider a trait of perfectionism. Professional singles are no different, they must have details or actions within their jobs that require perfectionism otherwise the product or service they produce would be substandard which is not the mark of a successful professional. Take the perfectionism in stride and recognize you probably have some traits that drive your partner nuts. Identify, recognize and adapt. Those three words will go along way in helping you and him or her overcome your faults.

The job is first – Ouch, how can someone put something before me? Guess what, this happens whether the person is a professional single or a everyday man. Something’s always going to be important to someone and there may come a time when they have to choose you over that activity or function. Although this is a very black and white statement the truth is there is no easy answer for this question. In the case of a job you would have to look at each incident to determine the worth. For example if you had a date planned at 7 and you get a call at 6:45 that something came up at work it’s ok to be upset but more importantly you need to judge the moment. Without being a nagger you should find out what is so important that it can’t wait until tomorrow, if the answer is valid then you must put it in context with the relationship overall. You knew going in that the career of the person was a big part of their life so you should accept that with that commitment to career comes some sacrifice on your end. However if you find out the reason for the cancellation is not a 911 emergency but a 411 pizza call then you should re-assess the person immediately. This would be a case of someone who is not honest, respectful or committed to having a relationship.

Let’s summarize: Dating a professional single will probably entitle you to a lifestyle that leans towards the finer things in life and would probably ensure a future of financial stability and a golden retirement. Dating a professional single will also bring you many hours of you time, interrupted plans and until those retirement years a backseat to the demands of a successful career. If you are a person that can see a person for what they are and accept them for those strengths and faults and if that person meets what you deem as the perfect mate then dating a professional single is probably the best thing you will ever do.

  • Single Dating Places United Kingdom
    Single Dating Places United Kingdom

Dating: Single, Female and 30 Something

missamerica3In life I think it’s fair to say that women drew the short straw enduring monthly periods, PMT, giving birth and the menopause; all producing more hormones than she, and anyone within arms length distance, can cope with.

But if she is 30 something and single the joy of being a woman doesn’t stop there! She is in a race against time to meet a man (preferably sexy!), fall in love, get him to fall in love her, move in together, get married, have a baby (the latter two in no particular order as long as they happen!) and live happily ever after.

The reality though is that many women diarise “settling down” for their early 30s; devoting their 20s to getting a career, travelling, socialising and having fun. There are also the ones who, despite actively dating in search of their perfect partner since early adulthood, simply haven’t found “the one”.

After revelling in her 20s footloose and fancy free, from the day she hits 30 her carefree attitude screeches to an abrupt halt; Mother Nature is suddenly occupying all her thoughts and her biological clock is ticking getting faster and louder as each day, month and year passes still with no sign of “the one” entering her life.

Of course, for the 30 something single men of the world this is not a concern; nature gave them the choice to put fatherhood on hold, worry free, until their 40s, 50s even 60s. So is this why 30 something women find a gap in the dating scene and are unable to find someone of a similar age to settle down with? Are the 30 something men busy dating but staying single until later in life because they know that when the time is right (for them) reproducing won’t be a problem?

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It’s a sad fact that society portrays 30 something single men and women completely different. 30 something single women are labelled “out of date goods left on the shelves” whereas 30 something single men are given a pat on the back and told to enjoy their freedom while they can. Although TV programmes like Sex in the City and Desperate Housewives have helped to change peoples opinions of single women over 30, the fact remains that if she wants children the natural way (i.e. without a sperm donor) she needs a man.

So with no sight of a man on the horizon, she feels under pressure not only from herself but also from those around her to get on the dating scene and meet the father-to-be of her children. Her parents will say, “Why can’t she meet a good man and settle down?” her friends will say, “Shall we fix her up on a date with [John]?” and then there are the sniggering colleagues who will say, “She must be a lesbian!”

Attention-30-Somethings-Your-Wardrobe-ChecklistWhilst some of them may have her best interests at heart, she should not feel forced into a relationship to please everyone else. The problem she faces however is that, as a woman of the world, she knows exactly what qualities she is looking for in her partner and her standards are set so high that the men she dates often don’t make the grade.

What she may have to do therefore is accept that not everyone is perfect and compromise on her “tick list”. She needs to put things in perspective and ask herself if it really matters that he doesn’t own a flash car or that he wears awful shoes. (It can sometimes be non-important things why women will reject a man.) She should also be careful not to discuss marriage and babies in the early dating stages; men are aware that a women in her 30s is looking for someone to father her children and if she comes across desperate, she will have most men running for the hills!

Ok, so she knows what she wants and she’s willing to compromise but where will a 30 something single woman meet the love of her life? Is it at work, through friends, in a bar/club, at a party or an online dating agency?

Whilst it is recommended to explore all methods of dating in order to increase your opportunities, not all of them will appeal to everyone. Take a 35 year old friend of mine for instance whom recently became single. It’s not that she didn’t want to settle down in her 20s, she just didn’t meet the right man. She has, however, reached the conclusion that the likelihood of meeting someone in a bar or club who is potential “marriage material” is highly unlikely.

Whilst the majority of the 30 something single men she meets are happy to flirt, probably even happier to take her to bed, they do not want to commit to a relationship and jeopardise their freedom. Other rejects consist of men already in relationships looking for no strings fun or toy boys looking to put an older woman notch on their bedpost.

Only recently she dated someone whom she met in a bar who told her he was 27 years old (still younger than her but an acceptable age she thought). If I say that they became intimate very quickly, you’ll know what I mean! Whilst this was not something she would normally do, she felt a connection and it had been a while so she thought “Hell, why not!” Afterwards, she felt it only right to tell him her age. “You do know how old I am don’t you?” she asked. “About 26/27?” he replied.” (He certainly knew where his bread was buttered!), “No, I’m 35”. “Well I suppose it’s only fair I’m honest with you too “, he continued, “I’m actually only 19”. “19!” she exclaimed. Immediately there was no future in this relationship and her hopes of finding “the one” had once again been dashed.

Turn the tables round (him 35, her 19) and it could have been a different story…. but that’s for another day.

If you are experiencing similar problems finding a partner, why not give online dating a try? You will find men and women of all ages whose profiles will provide details of their age and whether they are looking for fun, love or marriage so you know from the start if you both have the same goals.

  • Single Dating Places United Kingdom
    Single Dating Places United Kingdom

Writing An Online Dating Service Profile? 3 Mistakes You Must Avoid…

online-dating-switch-on-showing-romance-and-love_M1HLZMw_-1024x1024Well, after 4 years of reading far in excess of 10,000 profiles of men and women searching for a partner through online dating services, I’ve laughed at my fair share of poorly written introductions…

Of those 10,000 online dating service profiles, no more than a dozen captured our attention enough to make the first move. I’m sure that you wish to get lots of reactions to your online dating service advertisement, otherwise why would you bother joining a site, and paying a fee to meet new people?

If that is the case, then make sure you avoid the following 3 mistakes at all costs:

1. “I May Be the one you’re Seeking For”
This may be the case. However, by employing this combination of words anywhere for your online dating service profile, you aren’t telling me, or your potential suitor, anything new…

What this line does say to someone checking you out is that the online dating service profiler didn’t do a lot of thinking about how they wanted to present themselves. Tell people what gets your eyes twinkling or even what REALLY gets you up in the morning – and don’t say it’s your alarm clock, either. Now is the time to let your passions really shine through…

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2. “I’m the one Your Mother Warned You About”
This is, from my research in any case, virtually the most overused phrase in an opening line for online dating service profiles. True, it’s the generic option of some of the larger sites (such as Lavalife or even True) – if your profile is awaiting approval, this tag line will show up while waiting for the a-okay…

o-ONLINE-DATING-facebook (1)To avoid this, come up with something a bit more unique and original. But what if you aren’t sure how to do this? Well, it’s not hard to take a look at your competition in the online dating service field, so why not do a quick search and see what everyone else is doing?

Reading other people’s description of themselves could just get your creative juices flowing. At the very least, it’ll explain what everyone else is saying about themselves – and what key phrases and words you should avoid in turn…

3. Glaring Spelling or even Grammatical Mistakes
This tip might seem childish, or even trite – but its critically important. While chatting with someone online, you may make a few spelling mistakes that a potential suitor will find annoying. However until you get to that stage with someone, noone should know that you’ve got dyslexia, or just can’t spell worth beans…

It shows a lot to a potential suitor while they peruse the online dating services that someone has taken the time to spell check their document. Hell, get a friend to proof read it for you if want just in case you’ve missed something important…

However if you can’t take the time to write something legible, virtually all people perusing the online dating service websites will assume you won’t have time to bother doing other, even more important tasks. And when you only have two or three of seconds to make that first impression before someone clicks on another person – each and every detail counts…

  • Single Dating Places United Kingdom
    Single Dating Places United Kingdom

Why Do People Date Online?

riverOnce upon a time, people generally met their future spouses when they were in high school. Then came the advent of the practically mandatory four-year college degree and people began putting off marriage until later… and later… and later. Now it isn’t uncommon for people to wait until they’re in their early thirties to get married, if they marry at all. Unfortunately, it is a lot harder to meet people when you aren’t going out to football games and rec-room parties, so… enter the glorious age of online dating.

Because gone are the days when online dating was thought of as strictly for losers (or worse!). The Internet is the ultimate singles’ bar—without the noise, the drunks, and the high cost of all those not-so-happy hours. Nor, thanks to online dating membership sites, do you have to depend on your friends and family to hook you up with people they think would be perfect for you—and who wouldn’t be perfect for, well, anyone, which is why they are still unattached.

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But that’s not true of you. You’re savvy and know that online dating makes it possible for you to connect with a lot more people a lot quicker than you could any other way. You’ll find that person who’s perfect for you yourself, thank you very much, Aunt Myrtle. After all, there are plenty of fish in the sea, and online dating is an absolutely wonderful way to weed out the guppies from the sharks.

laptop-sexy-online datingBecause you do need to be cautious when connecting with other singles online. It almost goes without saying that most everyone stretches the truth a little, and it takes some practice to learn what to look out for. Actually, online dating personal ads are a lot like classified employment ads. You know, that ad that says a company’s looking for eager, go-getters is really after people who are willing to work 16 to18 hours a day for low pay and even lower appreciation.

The same is true for lots of online dating ads. Women will most likely fudge a bit about their weight, and guys are likely to add a few inches of, um, height. More serious lies happen, but not as often as you might think. These days, most people are trying to find more than just dates online, they’re looking for long-lasting relationships and use online dating sites to help with their search.

You may have some ho-hum dates that you’ve connected with online before you find the man or woman of your dreams. This isn’t necessarily because there are more ho-hums who are involved in online dating than with conventional dating, but that the pool of dates is much larger for online dating, so you actually date more or at least have chances to date more—and hey, that’s a good thing, right?

  • Single Dating Places United Kingdom
    Single Dating Places United Kingdom

The Key to Reaching the Next Level in Dating Success

Happy couple embracing and laughing on the beachBack in the days when I was a teenager, I actually had reasonable success with women, but it was far from consistent. Many of my behaviors and attitudes were anything but high-status. Having internalized what high status males actually do, I have made immeasurable progress in relationships, friendships, and business, I only wish I knew these things earlier!

Many things can be associated with the high status mindset, but I have identified the most important thing a man wanting to improve their success with women must know.

That sexuality is completely natural and they are not scared to express it.

The key is how you do it.

Have you seen many movies or television shows about relationships? The constant theme is that most men are idiots with relationships and that they are lucky to find one girl. They go out of their way to repress their sexuality, thinking it will turn a woman off. The key to expressing sexuality is to not be explicit about it. Do not speak about it, and do not grope some random girl who hasn’t given you the right signals. What you must do is use body language to communicate to women that you are a sexual being and you know they are too.

Pop quiz, you are speaking with a woman you just met. She is standing in a position with her chest thrusted slightly forward, she is smiling with you, batting her eyelashes, and flicking her hair. Do ya think she might be interested? This was an obvious example, but you see the point. She was able to sub-communicate to you that she is interested and all you have to do is be your natural manly self.

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But you ask, how does a man sub communicate these things as well? Many ways. Some basic things that are known by most are good posture; calm, and strong speech patters. There are many books on these things, and I recommend you read them. What I want to talk about here are less obvious things that society as a whole does not talk about.

One non-obvious technique that works very well is what some in the seduction community call, The Triangle Gaze. It is basically something many women seem to do us all the time.(by the way, MANY body language tactics they use can be used by men too). The triangle gaze is an eye movement technique. Simply move your gaze from her left eye to her right eye and down to her mouth, and pause a millisecond there. Don’t do it over and over, but every now and then do it. It is powerful and she WILL understand what you are trying to get across, and often she will be impressed if you do this in the right way because you will be demonstrating your social intelligence. And fellas, women are much “smarter” in this regard than most of us.

dating-success-after-40Another subtle technique that can be used to sub-communicate to a woman your intentions without being a cad are the use of double entendres. A double entendre is a word or phrase with more than one meaning, usually two, as the title suggests. Not cheesy, raunchy pickup lines, but things said on the fly that can be ambiguous, making it near impossible for her to forget you. Here is an example of a bad use of a double entendre:

You talking to a waitress: “So what time do you get off?”

That is one of the oldest in the book and at best she will laugh and say something like

“When I get home to my boyfriend”

At worst she will instantly write you off as a loser and walk away.

Something better would be charming. It would make her wonder about your intentions, and make her want to find out exactly what you want from her. Personally I love speaking with people who are visiting from far away, exotic lands, or who were not raised here. There is so much material for conversation and rapport building. One thing I love to do when speaking with foreign women is talking about their home country and talking about how sensual, and passionate it is. This is a compliment to her in a round about way and she will welcome the topic. She will also have no choice but to ponder the words sensual, passionate(and any other double entendres you throw in) and connect those images and thoughts with YOU! The key is to ramp up the intensity than ramp it down…ramp it up, ramp it down, rinse and repeat. Combine this with confident body language and a genuine interest in learning about her and you are well on your way to becoming a seduction master!

  • Single Dating Places United Kingdom
    Single Dating Places United Kingdom

The Five Killer Mistakes men make Dating Online

By Mick Jones;
Author of ‘How To Meet Women on the Internet.’

Here are the top five mistakes men make when they start to date online…and how to avoid them!

Mistake 1.
selfie7Having a Boring, Average Profile!

You have to put some real effort into your profile to make it shine above the masses.

Creating a unique, well-thought-out profile will instantly give you an advantage over 90% of the other men.

Tip one.

Create an interesting / different profile with some humor.
Be sure to have nothing negative in your profile…

Tip two.

Have a good, recently taken photo!
Try a head and shoulders shot and smiling to begin with.

Mistake 2.
Placing Too High a Value on a Potential Date!

This is another instinctive mistake when first starting out.

Your mind plays tricks on you and you put the lady on a pedestal before even meeting her!

Especially if you haven’t had a date for a while…

Tip one.

Treat every potential date as an opportunity for YOU to check HER out and see if you fancy her!

Tip two.

NEVER expect to meet the love of your life on a first date.

This way you will never be disappointed and sometimes very pleased.

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Mistake 3.
Not Meeting Her Quickly Enough!

I did this myself for far too long.

20141120224815224248The longer you leave it before you meet, the less likely it is to happen.

So forget about emailing for months and getting all worked up over email.

As soon as possible, meet for coffee and a chat to see if you like each other.

This will save you a lot of time and energy…and disappointments.

Tip one. Ask for a coffee date in the first two weeks of emails.

Tip two. If she doesn’t agree to meet, move on and don’t worry about it.

There are plenty more… :-]

Mistake 4.
Emailing Interstate and Overseas Profiles!

I did this a lot when I first started dating online.

It’s tempting to do but is a complete waste of your time, energy and focus.

Unless you are rich and have a lot of spare time, don’t bother with interstate and overseas profiles.

What are the odds of you two ever hooking up?

Very little chance of it…

Why would someone interstate or overseas be better than someone local?

Tip one.

Only focus on and contact women in your immediate area.

Tip two.

Keep it down to 100 km radius from your home. This will keep your expenses and time travels down…

Mistake 5.
Not Choosing the Meeting Café.

This is more important than it sounds. Women like to be led by a decisive man. So decide/suggest the café, time and date.

If she can’t make it when you suggest, reschedule to suit her…within reason.

She will get the impression you are not timid and are comfortable making decisions…this is good.

Tip one. Make the first date during a week night. This will suggest you have a life and are busy on the weekend.

Tip two. Be relaxed at the coffee date. Don’t mention past partners or that you haven’t been dating for a long time. Just have some fun and BE happy…

Avoiding these five mistakes will save you a lot of time, money, energy and focus with online dating. This will prevent you from quitting before you get the results you desire and deserve.

Have fun and many happy seductions…

Regards

Mick Jones

Author

  • Single Dating Places United Kingdom
    Single Dating Places United Kingdom

The Dating Scene – Signs of a Promising Relationship

dating_advice_0Celine was just starting to date again after a difficult breakup. She was feeling anxious because she didn’t want to go through another unhappy relationship, but she didn’t trust herself to make good choices. She sought my help in learning how to discern a promising relationship from one that is bound to fail.

In Celine’s last relationship, she had been pulled in by Gary’s ardent pursuit of her. She had wanted to go slower but didn’t listen to herself. Instead, she gave herself up to Gary’s attention and compliments.

“Celine, my experience with men who come on strong right away is that they are often controlling and needy. Is that what happened with Gary?”

“Yes. He seemed so loving and open at the beginning, but once we were in a committed relationship, he started to pull on me for time and attention. He became critical and angry and petulant when I didn’t give him what he wanted. How could I have known all this at the beginning? What should I look for now that I’m dating again?”

Celine had gone on one date with a man named Mark. After this first date, Mark emailed her, saying that he wanted to spend a lot of time with her and go on a trip with her.

“Shades of Gary,” she said. “This is a red flag, right?”

Celine and I explored some of the red flags as well as some of the signs of a promising relationship.

SOME RED FLAGS

• Comes on strong at the beginning of the relationship.

• Becomes angry, critical or withdrawn if you say no.

• Becomes logical and tries to talk you out of your feelings or your experience. Tries to make you feel that you are wrong for your feelings or your position.

• Talks on and on about himself or herself and doesn’t ask you much about you, or is uninterested when you do talk about yourself.

• An older man or woman who has never been married and has been in a series of broken relationships.

• Numerous broken marriages.

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• Has an abusive background and has not had therapy.

• Has abandoned his or her children.

• Not open to learning from relationship conflict.

• Participates in addictions that are unacceptable to you – smoking, drinking, drugs, addictive eating, gambling, TV, and so on.

• Financially irresponsible.

• Not truthful.

• Has few friends.

• Judgmental of self and others. Talks about self and others in disparaging ways.

• Is possessive and jealous. Gets upset when you do your own thing.

• Totally different views from yours regarding religion and/or spirituality.

• Few interests and hobbies.

Celine and I discussed the fact that you get what you see.

“It’s not that people can’t change,” I told her, “but you can’t change them. If he is not okay with you the way he is right now, then don’t pursue the relationship. If you are an on time person and heis always late, don’t expect this to change. If it’s not okay, then don’t pursue the relationship. Same thing with weight, being neat or messy, being a free spender or being frugal. These issues can become huge problems in relationships because people expect them to change and get very upset when they don’t.”

o-LOVERS-KISSING-facebookSOME SIGNS OF A PROMISING RELATIONSHIP

• Shows respect for your feelings and needs, even when they are different from his or her feelings and needs.

• Is able to be empathic and compassionate.

• Is interested in what you have to say and in learning about you.

• Is accepting of self and others – non-judgmental.

• Is open to exploring conflict and differences of opinion.

• Does what he or she says he or she will do.

• Cares about being responsible for children from a broken marriage – has not abandoned his or her children.

• Takes responsibility for his or her own feelings, health and well bring. Does not make you responsible for his or her feelings.

• Is financially responsible. Does not expect you to take care of him or her financially.

• If divorced, takes responsibility for his or her part of the difficulties.

• A person who was in a loving relationship and lost their mate to death. People who have been in loving relationships generally know how to have loving relationships.

• Has friends that you like.

• Talks about others in caring and supportive ways.

• Has interests and hobbies that are fulfilling to him or her.

• Similar religious or spiritual path to yours.

• Is supportive of you doing what brings you joy. Feels joy for your joy and pain for your pain.

• Can laugh at mistakes. Has a good sense of humor.

• Has balance between work and play. Knows how to work hard and how to have fun.

Before you can find the “right” person, you need to become the right person. Doing your own inner work so that you can fit the descriptions above for a promising relationship is the first step in finding a loving relationship.

  • Single Dating Places United Kingdom
    Single Dating Places United Kingdom

Dating Brings Dramatic Results To Singles

handsome guyHi. My name is Lance. I’m a handsome guy with medium built figure and height. I feel that my life is hanging upside down now because of my super shy nature. Although, I get along pretty much well with others and have a bunch of close friends, I feel freezed when I come across a girl. I can’t tell you the trauma of watching my friends going out on date with the girls they meet at bars and pubs. i will be usually found sitting in a corner of bar with my drink and feeling miserable on my self.

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I feel really embarrassed before my friends due to my shyness. Some of my friends even tried to arrange a blind date for me, but it never seemed to work out. But 635835129571391607-794020465_Pros-And-Cons-Of-A-Blind-Dateit’s the limit, I really need to get rid of my shyness as early as possible. I don’t want to be labeled as the loser who never gets a date, that’s kind of too distressing.

So guys, tonight I am going out on a date with a girl, whom one of my friends dated a couple of moths back. It’s a blind date as I have never met this girl. I’m too nervous; this date has to be successful. I need to find a girl that I can say I’m dating, that I can say I am going steady with. I’m tired of always being the left out one when my friends and I go out. So wish me luck!

  • Single Dating Places United Kingdom
    Single Dating Places United Kingdom

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