By Mai Bordelon
Being divorced doesn’t mean your life is over, on the contrary, it gives you a new chance to enjoy the single life again.
First of all, you have to realize that there is not much difference between your dating now and your dating before you got married, and you date when you want to. Just like when you had been single, you had dated because you liked the guy, not because you had thought you should have or because someone had said you should; if these had been among the reasons you had gone on a date, then eliminate them, you are your own boss now.
When you want to date someone (believe it, you are ready when you want to), don’t even think that he may not like you especially because you are divorced and even have children. So what, if he doesn’t like you? Remember, there are a lot of fish in the sea. The truth is if he doesn’t like you, it’s because he DOESN’T like you, it has nothing to do with your being divorced & having children. And if he DOES like you, it doesn’t matter how many times you got divorced or how many children you have, he still likes you.
When you had been single, and some guys didn’t like you, had you said “He doesn’t like me because I am single.” Of course not. The same goes for being divorced. It’s just that when we are not attracted to someone then we are not, period. And because of the generally accepted concept that dating after divorce is difficult or a challenge, many divorced women who went on a date, feeling self-conscious about being divorced, diminished their self-confidence, and ended up feeling hurt, being depressed, having low self-esteem when the date didn’t turn out the way they wanted or their date didn’t hit it off with them, and believing dating was not for them because they were divorced, hence their emotion was in worse state than before the date.
There is another concept about dating after divorce: it is hard because you’ve been out of the game for a while. Dating is an interaction between a man and a woman or, in our current time, between a woman and a woman, which is one of the built-in instincts in people that will let you naturally know how to act when interacting with your date, besides, is it right that you used to date your ex when you were married? It is the “not hitting it off with each other” that gives you the idea of forgetting how to play the game of dating.
For anyone, and I mean ANYONE, dating is a time for you, either just to enjoy a good time with someone, or on a more serious level, dating is a time for you to discern if he is the right one; in a word, dating is the time for you to choose, so some you like, some you don’t; and it is the same with your date, so don’t take it to heart when he is not attracted to you, and believe that it is because of your status of being divorced. So, go on a date with your self-confidence intact, do your best to have a good time (of course, always be cautious), and let what will be, will be.
However, there is one difference between being single and being divorced regarding dating, and it only exists if you have any children and you want to continue to date the same man. Now, it’s not just your feelings are important, but also are your children’s. Your children must like your date, otherwise there will be turmoil more often than not, and you will be torn between your children and the man you like. If your honesty and explanation about your feelings concerning that man fail to convince your children that continuing to see him will be good for you and everyone, then as a loving mother, you will not date that man again, while as, if you were single, you would continue to date him without regarding to anyone’s feeling but your own.
And it is a good advice when you are told not to talk too much about your divorce or whatever problem you had with it or any problem at all, when you are on a date; in fact, it is a good advice for everyone (not just for you) who is on a date, not to talk too much about any problem that they have, because no one wants to hear a lot about anyone else’s problem until they become very close.
So the truth is dating after divorce will be difficult or a challenge if you make it out that way, otherwise it is just a time for you to have fun with someone or if you want to find a partner in life, it’s a time for you to choose the right man for yourself; and hopefully, this time you will choose prudently, for you have learned from your past experience that for a marriage to last, first you have to choose prudently, then you will treat lovingly and respectfully.
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